The pressure of TV

Posted on Apr 18, 2012 in Randomeeze, Tech, Too Damned Personal

I like watching certain television shows, as many of us do. But since my office is in the…well, office, and the TV’s in the livingroom, I find myself falling behind

And look how fast we’ve arrived at my current topic.

See, first it’s just a week or so.

“Have you seen the new Once Upon a Time?”

“No, I’m gonna just watch it on Hulu or the DVR next time the TV’s free.”

OK, but I work all the damned time. So soon I’m not just behind a week, it’s been four, and the old one’s gonna fall off Hulu and end up on HuluPlus soon, and it’s in HD so it’s taking up a TON of room on the DVR and we need to get that off there – my not watching is now keeping OTHER people from watching THEIR shows and I need to sit my ass down and watch the thing already except I really don’t have the time so I tell them to delete it and I’ll real fast watch it on Hulu tomorrow but tomorrow I get a call from a client or get caught up in the budget and now I have a day before the oldest one’s going to fall off…

…

When I reach this point, the major part of my brain is going “Oh, fuckit. It’s just TV. In a year you can buy the freakin’ DVDs. This is just not that crucial.”…but the other part of my brain is pointing out that I said the same thing about Royal Pains, White Collar and Leverage, all of which I am also now so behind on that if I don’t buy the DVDs, I’ll never get caught up.

So I should watch them. But I really don’t have the time or energy to do that. It’s attention taken from the things I want to give my attention to during the hours that I don’t HAVE to be working, and as much as I want to know how Emma’s going to break that curse, I also kinda wanna level that IronMan challenger on Wyrmrest to 85, and I’d like to get my Sims together already, maybe without using a cheat this time, and I’d really, really like to finish that book I’m reading because I’m so very much not reading enough lately and as a professional WRITER I kind of need to be reading on a regular basis.

So TV tends to lose, and once again, here’s a show I really DO like, and everyone else in the house is into and watching regularly…and I’m not. For god’s sake, I still have the Doctor Who Christmas Special sitting on my harddrive waiting for me to watch it, and the new season starts up soon. And really, after allll that nagging to get my mother watching it, and she finally IS, I seriously need to stay caught up on that show if absolutely nothing else.

I have this picture in my mind – six months down the road, in my new apartment with Tyger, we’re sitting in front of the TV, DVD boxes stacked up in order of importance, watching through every show I fell behind on over the last three years.

I think she’s gonna kill me.

Read More

As a tribute to Bill Larkin…

Posted on Mar 20, 2010 in Lyrics

Bill Larkin is a friend of my father’s, also one of the funniest men I’ve EVER met.

I am posting the lyrics to “I’m Just Your Mom” here…these lyrics are NOT my property, and you ABSOLUTELY should buy this song (here or here – and here’s his site). I pulled these lyrics from listening to the thing over and over because I COULD NOT stop laughing.

The Italian portion is what I hear. :p You may hear somethin’ else.

There’ve been women through the ages who have really left their mark

Cleopatra, Emilia Earheart, and of course, there’s Joan Van Arc

But my mother tops them all, and here’s the reason why;

Whenever I do one thing wrong, I can hear her cry:

Why don’t you throw me in the winter snow and leave me there to freeze

Or I’ll just die of fear or stress or maybe catch a rare disease

Or stick my head inside an oven set at twelve-hundred degrees

Hey, don’t worry, please, I’m just YOUR MOM

You never ever wash the dishes, clean your room or mow the grass

Every sunday you’re satanic when I drag you off to Mass

And boy it was heaven every day I wiped your ass!

Oh, forgive me if I’m crass, I’m just YOUR MOM!

She wants me to be happy! And to let me have my freedom

And then we’ll bake some cookies – and she tells me I can’t eat them.

She buys me all these…I…wanna say “shirts”…wth the ninty-inch lapels

And when I say “I will not wear them!” this is what she yells:

You’ll wear exactly what they tell you to, if not I’ll get a gun

and I will shoot you if I have to I don’t care if you’re my son,

and don’t think I can’t take you just because I’m five-foot-one,

I could’ve been a goddamn NUN, but I’m YOUR MOM!!

And if you EVER disobey, I’ll grab a treebranch from above,

and I’ll stick it in your eye, and I’ll give it such a shove,

then I’ll throw away the evidence and hide the bloody glove,

but I do it out of love, ’cause I’m YOUR MO!

She’s always at the hair salon where they know her by name,

and later when she comes back home, her hair is JUST THE SAME!

She tells me dad is great in bed…in fact, he’s such a stallion.

She always shares too much. She can’t help it…she’s ITALIAN!

(aproximated)

Es patchimos patchim vastaprim qualita, schootcha menda galbacosa

mala omacastamocha pota mackapita pota masapia eye yi yi kikikiki

I don’t know what the hell she’s saying, she’s MY MOM!

I do the cooking and the cleaning and the shopping and the banking!

After all I’ve done for you I think it’s me you should be thanking!

Instead you’ve taken magazines to bed and started wanking!

I should give you such a spanking, I’m YOUR MOM!

Why don’t you just set me on fire and then shove me off a pier!

Every time I tell you something it goes out the other ear!

I can’t believe I carried you inside my body for a year!

Just forget I’m even here! I’m just YOUR MOM!!

There’ve been women through the ages who have really left their mark
Cleopatra, Emilia Earheart, and of course, there’s Joan Van Arc
But my mother tops them all, and here’s the reason why;
Whenever I do one thing wrong, I can hear her cry:

Why don’t you throw me in the winter snow and leave me there to freeze
Or I’ll just die of fear or stress or maybe catch a rare disease
Or stick my head inside an oven set at twelve-hundred degrees
Hey, don’t worry, please, I’m just YOUR MOM

You never ever wash the dishes, clean your room or mow the grass
Every sunday you’re satanic when I drag you off to Mass
And boy it was heaven every day I wiped your ass!
Oh, forgive me if I’m crass, I’m just YOUR MOM!

She wants me to be happy! And to let me have my freedom
And then we’ll bake some cookies – and she tells me I can’t eat them.
She buys me all these…I…wanna say “shirts”…wth the ninty-inch lapels
And when I say “I will not wear them!” this is what she yells:

You’ll wear exactly what they tell you to, if not I’ll get a gun
and I will shoot you if I have to I don’t care if you’re my son,
and don’t think I can’t take you just because I’m five-foot-one,
I could’ve been a goddamn NUN, but I’m YOUR MOM!!

And if you EVER disobey, I’ll grab a treebranch from above,
and I’ll stick it in your eye, and I’ll give it such a shove,
then I will throw away the evidence and hide the bloody glove,
but I do it out of love, ’cause I’m YOUR MOM!

She’s always at the hair salon where they know her by name,
and later when she comes back home, her hair is JUST THE SAME!
She tells me dad is great in bed…in fact, he’s such a stallion.
She always shares too much. She can’t help it…she’s ITALIAN!

(aproximated)
Es patchimos patchim vastaprim qualita, schootcha menda galbacosa
mala omacastamocha pota mackapita pota masapia eye yi yi kikikiki

I don’t know what the hell she’s saying, she’s MY MOM!

I do the cooking and the cleaning and the shopping and the banking!
After all I’ve done for you I think it’s me you should be thanking!
Instead you’ve taken magazines to bed and started wanking!
I should give you such a spanking, I’m YOUR MOM!

Why don’t you just set me on fire and then shove me off a pier!
Every time I tell you something it goes out the other ear!
I can’t believe I carried you inside my body for a year!
Just forget I’m even here! I’m just YOUR MOM!!

Bill Larkin, you’re my hero 😀

Read More